Originally Posted by
408Mike
This thread is pretty genius since I only hijack threads on accident, it's not done maliciously on my end at all. I need to talk, to vent, to be heard and to see how others respond (so I can tell if I am close to reality or not)
I have very real mental illness, it's probably BPD (I have semi-known this for years, but never really been able to face it) and on top of that, depression ADHD and substance abuse issues. The substance abuse part I am in the clear on, so far so good, and I am in no danger of relapsing. The bad is that I seem to lose touch with reality every couple days, like clockwork, and I am praying a doctor can help out who specializes in such things.
I have NO idea what to do, save push forward with the navy, and all the while the effect of having my only mother doing this to me has been pretty crushing and fucking me up mentally and emotionally.
I am not on drugs, nowhere near it.
yes, I am now homeless (spent the night outside last night, killed two black widows, and I FROZE my ass off BADLY. it's not fun at all) and yes my psychotic mother is, for now, getting her way, and i am full of so much anger right now that I really truly hope i do not snap, I am praying I don't.
I have asked for help and gotten almost none, just "go look for work" yeah thanks, been trying, have an interview with coca cola monday, don't even have a way to get to work.
now a friend is taking me to valley med to be committed and evaluated as I have become suicidal.
sorry to ruin everyone's fun, I will most likely not be back.
thanks to Gary Hoser Cobson Tapper, the few who were in my corner from the get go and showed me love, sometimes tough love, but love and compassion nevertheless.
the rest of you- words escape me. "DRUFF PLEASE SWEEP MIKE UNDER THE CARPET, GET RID OF HIM! FUCK'S SAKE, WE CAN'T ENJOY OURSELVES!"" scuter fuck man! it is impossible to read the site with this guys 5-6 posts just RUINING EVERYTHING"
yeah, it's THAT tough to lend a sick man an ear and just show a little compassion.
Hoser was right- by and large, this community is full of human refuse.
Post is a little all over the place as I have written bits and pieces throughout the day while on the phone with some friends who are genuinely concerned for my well being, and don't like where I am at one bit. This is fairly serious, not sure I am ok at all, not sure of anything...
Mike